What the hell?

What the hell?

I am sitting on the porch. It is a lovely September evening, cool but not cold, very comfortable. A nice break from the humidity. I am just relaxing, reading the very cool sci-fi novel Absolution Gap. I have Windows Media Player on random, have heard Metallica's Nothing Else Matters, the Pixie's Debaser, and assorted other groovy tunes.

Taking a moment to refect on the current state of my life, I should be pretty fucked up right now.

I am not going to school this semester. The financial aid I was hoping to get did not come through, and I really can't afford to pay out of pocket. I was really hoping to get back into school this fall, get into the swing of things and start moving ahead. It just isn't going to happen right now. Not until January at the earliest, and that is being optimistic. I am applying to MCLA, and I hope they accept me. We'll see.

Work is very different now. Suffice to say the District Manager thought it was a good idea to put the refrigerator in the bathroom. Yeah. Okay guys. Good plan. The new manager seems like a good guy but I do think they just kicked him into the deep end and said "Have a nice swim!". They could have solved a lot of problems by just giving me the job eight months ago. Whatever.

My relationship with Sarah has more or less dissolved. I haven't heard from her in about a month. I asked her a simple question. I wanted a simple answer and she couldn't give it to me. I appreciate her honesty, I guess. Well, I can't change the way she feels. I tried, I really did. For a time, I really did think she was the one. I wanted a life with her, and I was willing to do just about anything for her. But, hey, I guess that wasn't good enough. Whatever.

So there you have it. Almost every aspect of my life is in some form of disarray. Nothing major I have planned this year has worked out. I am looking at 30 and I have really nothing to show for my existence.

But, strangely enough, I am doing pretty good. I should be depressed and freaking out or something, but I'm not. I'm not sure why, either. Maturity? Maybe. That would explain it. Perhaps I have hit rock bottom? Nah, doesn't feel like it. My philosophies of "It's all good" and "Be the duck"? Could be, could be. I'll keep you, my imaginary reader, posted.

Later.